Day 1 - 

Dear God,

 

None of this is your fault. 

 

I know you know that, but you need to hear it. 

 

Times are really tough right now for some people. Of course you know that, you know everything. But here’s something I know, people are going to blame you. A lot already have. People are calling out to you asking you to fix this pandemic. I know that’s not your place. You did not put us here just to bail us out when anything bad happened.

 

I know you love us, and I know you have the power to stop this, you have the power to stop a lot of things. But that is not your job. We live in an imperfect world for a reason. Because this place, Earth, where we live our human lives is not our final destination. Home is where your heart is and my heart lies with you. You gave us an opportunity in this world to live in a way we seemed fit. While your guidance is readily available to us in the form of prayer and scripture, we get to call the shots. If the world was perfect we wouldn’t know our true selves, who we are. Chaos will either bring the best, or worst out of people. 

 

This is a time to test our faith. It’s easy to believe in you  and trust that you have a plan for us when everything is going good. It’s when the waves start up and the boats begins to rock that people will start to jump ship. Well God, I refuse to jump ship (even though you know I’m terrified of boats). I am proclaiming my trust in you Lord.

 

There are people in this world who are dying. There are people in this world who are dying. That repeated sentences weren’t an error, I just thought people might need to hear it twice. This pandemic is not some joke.

 

People who are complaining about the “severity” of quarantine, and saying it’s being overdone, are being nothing but ignorant. I know this because initially I was one of them. I remember the feeling of packing up my dorm room, two months earlier than I would have ever imagined. Carrying bags of unfolded clothes down flights of stairs to my moms car that was parked out front. The next part is when it got hard. My friends helped me finish loading up the car and we prepared to say goodbye. Thinking of not seeing them literally everyday and having to wait five months literally felt like I was getting my heart ripped out of my chest. These were some of the first people that I had let see me in my rawest form. They met the nerdy, stressed, and emotional me and didn’t bat their eyes for even a second. So here’s something you’re probably not hearing a lot of right now: Thank you. 

 

God, thank you for blessing me with friends that make it so hard to say goodbye to, and bringing me to a school that has given and continues to give me an immense amount of opportunities.

 

Sure, this whole ordeal may have ruined spring break trips and caused cancellations/postponements of important life events (such as gradations), but this quarantine will save lives. How many? Who knows. But does that really matter? Sure, being the physically active nineteen year-old I am, the virus may not have as much affect on me. But I can say without a doubt that if I were to somehow be responsible for one of my grandparents getting it (I am extremely blessed to have four healthy and loving grandparents), I would never be able to live with myself. And I know that I would go to the greatest lengths to prevent anything from happening to them. So this virus isn’t necessarily about your plans getting “ruined”, it’s your opportunity to save lives. Even if it were just one, it would be worth it.

 

In a years time, when hopefully this is all over, spring breakers in Fort Lauderdale will be enjoying spring break of ‘21. The pandemic will be a thing of the past, and it will be because of precautions that are now being put into place.

 

God this extended break of sorts has given me the opportunity to take a more in-depth look at my life. I feel closer to you. Bad things will happen in life, this probably won’t be the first unexpected thing to happen. I am just grateful to live in an age where medicine is at the place it is and we have the materials and resources to begin combating it.

 

Thank you for your unconditional love and support during this time.

 

Your loving believer,

 

Lauren

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Day 2 - 

Dear God,

 

Today was better than yesterday. I don't really need to debrief you on anything that happened, considering the fact that you are all-knowing. Also did want to apologize for being late on this letter, and it's only day 2... yikes. But you know it was in my head all day, I just wanted to experience the entire day before I wrote this.

 

Thank you for today, and all the days, but today especially. I feel like I got to appreciate the world you made more today. I also worked on putting you first more in relationships with some reading from the book I am doing with my PSE bible study. At the same time, I also took a couple steps backwards in this concept because I spent too much time waiting for a boy to snap me back. I find myself trying to impress him when I talk to him. Yet reading that book earlier, makes me realize I don't need to try and impress him. Real relationships take time and I shouldn't be out hear trying to lay out all my cards on the table just in hopes someone walks by and is intrigued. I want someone to have to seek me in order to learn about me, just like you want your faithful followers to seek you in order to improve their relationship.

 

So today I learned something, and while I may have practiced a bad habit, I got a little better. Which is all I can ask of myself, to every day get better, little by little, until that once prevalent bad habit, fades into the background. So here's to Day 2 of trying harder to put you first.

 

Love you and talk to you tomorrow,

 

Lauren

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Day 3 - 

Dear God,

 

Hey, it's me again, hope you're not getting sick of me at this point. I know it's only been three days, but usually that's enough time for most people to get there fill. As you can see I am continuing my trend of writing these past 12am, so technically this should be Day 4, but that's just a technicality (it's the thought that counts).

 

I feel like today was a really good example of blessings in disguise. As you know, my dad and I drove about 6 and a half hours round trip to go check out a car. I often view him as overbearing and over-critical (which he definitely can be), but I got to really see him in his element which was cool. We checkout the car, and while it looked fine to me, he was able to notice the most minute imperfections that had not been listed in the report. I was really impressed.

 

So while we may have ended up not getting the car, it essentially was a good day. I feel like my dad and I got to have a lot of good talks. Car rides are something we used to bond over on the way to volleyball tournaments, but with my being in college that's something that rarely happens anymore. So it was nice to experience that again.

 

Anyway, I want to thank you for that, and the overall good day with my family. You really did do an awesome job picking us all to be together. It can be a trainwreck in the Speelman household at time, but honestly I wouldn't want it any other way (just don't tell my mom I said that).

 

With love,

 

Lauren

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Day 4/5 -

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Dear God,

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I would apologize for being late in these, but we already talked about it and I gave you notice (via prayer). It's not that I forgot to write, it's more so I just kept waiting for something to actually happen. But, as you know, for these 2 (seemingly extra long days) I pretty much was a sack of potatoes on the couch, with a pint of ice cream by my side to keep me company.

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I did think about you though. I finally finished the letters that I had kept putting off. As I typed that I realize that I literally prioritized these other letters over the commitment I made to you. I apologize for that. Until this moment I hadn't even viewed it like that. Why did I choose to put them before you lord? You hold such importance in my life. I did not mean to cast you out or insult you in such a way as making it seem like I care more about the recipients of those letters than I care about you.

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I know you know it was unintentional. But I feel awful. Thank you for your never-ending love. You never choose anyone over me, I know at all times I am a priority in your life, and I hope one day to be able to say without a doubt that you are in mine. I want to be able to say that to you now, but I won't pretend for the sake of my readers that I have mastered this, because I haven't. I'm selfish in my endeavors and I acknowledge that. My goal in this life is to bring people closer to you, starting with myself.

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Your loving daughter,

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Lauren

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