Change is Incremental

Some days I think I can’t even remember the girl I used to be and other days it’s like I can’t escape her.

The cool thing about change is it’s easier than you think. Just do it differently.

That doesn’t mean you’ll get whatever it is right or accomplish what exactly you’re hoping to on the first try. But that’s how we start working towards those goals. In the last few days I took some time to really question if I’ve grown since 2015. 

A dark year for all of us I’m sure.

In the span of those twelve months I both started high school and the world renowned boy band ‘One Direction’ broke up. Both were extremely traumatic and still effect me to this very day.

In my everyday life there are themes of things I struggle with now that I did at that age: confidence, self-worth, body image (you know all the things the magazines tell us we should only have if you’re a size 00 and had long blonde hair).

I remember being a young teen always reading the headlines of the tabloids at the grocery checkout line with my mom, memorizing any and all fad diets so that I may look them up later.

Luckily I detest grapefruits so the highly restrictive grapefruit diet that is advertised to help you lose 10 lbs in a week was a short-lived endeavor at the time.

I’d like to take a second to provide a friendly reminder that we are all fucking humans with normal vices and imperfections.

Now I still have those days where I feel like my jeans are too tight or something doesn’t fit me quite how I had envisioned it, and that’s so okay. That being said, I also have the days where i am completely comfortable putting my most vulnerable self online for anyone to see. My social media isn’t private and part of my mentality is that I have nothing to hide. While my mom isn’t the biggest fan of this (sorry mom) I genuinely don’t care if any kind of employer sees what I’m posting. If they think the kind, witty, sarcastic person filled to the brim with candor that I am is not the best ‘look for their company’ then I don’t want it. I’ve also realized with my life that while I once thought my dream was to climb the corporate ladder I am now more so bidding time and gathering experiences until I am in the phase of life where I can start my own business.

I love the outlook I have on life and would love to be apply to apply that and the passionate work ethic I have into an outlet that puts good out into the world.

ANY WHO.

Back to your regularly scheduled programming.. AKA the link you click when you’re bored and the TikTok algorithm just aint cutting it. I refuse to be anyone’s second choice in my personal life, but when it comes to this, I’m just happy you’re here.

How can we tell if we’re really changing for the better?

Similar to our bodies, our minding and neuro pathways can fluctuate.

Every once in a while (more often than we’d like to admit) that little devil on our should rears it’s ugly head and we revert to some old habit or mentality in the blink of an eye.

Again, this is normal.

What you do next or how you handle the temptation to fall back into what feels normal is what’s really important. On a recent podcast I was listening to Sabrina Zohar spoke of uncomfortability and overcoming anxiety and several great points were made.

In order for any kind’ve change to happen, you have to alter something. That’s the literal definition of change so hopefully no controversy there.

We as humans are innately these creatures of habit.

We find something we like, and stick to it, some more than others.

Now there are things in life that deserve a steadfast mentality: relationships, values, morals. All the things lacking from your average college aged male.

What Ms. Zohar said to me (as if we were conversing and I wasn’t listening to her in my car on the way to work) was about the concept of detox. Usually when I hear the term ‘detox’ I think of drugs, alcohol and any other controlled substance. While this may be the context we hear it in the most often, there are so many others its applicable to. You can go through the detox process of anything, even a mentality. For instance when I was younger I used to wake up every day weigh myself and regardless of what that number said I thought it should be smaller. Part of that detox process did include a physical act of putting the scale away, but a much bigger part of it was repeatedly telling myself that I am happy and healthy and that just because the size of my jeans may be bigger than another girls does not make me less than.

Let’s take a more literal example: say tomorrow I decided I wanted to eat healthier. Pretend my diet consisted of a mix of processed and fast foods. If I were to make the change to locally sourced fruit and veg and prioritize protein and putting good quality ingredients in my body I might start to notice some things. 

What you probably think I’m going to say is how much better I would theoretically start feeling. Well, that’s probably true eventually, but in actuality it’s much more likely that for that first week your body actual has trouble processing. You notice you have indigestion and maybe your bowel movements aren’t quite what you’re usually seeing. That’s because your body has to adjust. Same if someone is wanting to start yoga, you’re probably going to be pretty sore that first week or so. These are both examples of detox and uncomfortability. Some people may say they don’t want to be sore and they wanted to start working out to feel better, but that’s not the result they’re seeing.

We live in this culture where the concept of instant gratification is at our finger tips twenty-four seven. Craving ice cream at midnight? Doordash. You’re horny? Tinder. As long as you’re willing to potentially compromise your values a bit, there are instant options.

The point I want to make when it comes to change is that in order to overcome sometimes we have to sit in the uncomfortability and let it play it’s course before we can grow and be somehow who naturally possesses the ability to do XYZ (fill in with whatever it is you’re working towards).

Maybe you’re going sober, trying to eat better, dating with intention, whatever it is that’s important to you that is your goal, doing the thing that makes it possible might not be easy. I haven’t drank in 15 days and today I didn’t even think of alcohol, but last week I remember several instances where I had wished I had an emotional support beer in my hand.

Change can be good, but change can be hard.

If there’s something in your life you’re trying to change and it’s not as easy or straightforward as you thought, that’s okay. I encourage you to push forward and persevere.

As always I appreciate you taking the time to read my nonsense, see you next time.

Xoxo Mild Girl