When analyzing dating culture and trends earlier this week, I realized something.
*Okay, so I guess I could also phrase that as when I was scrolling through Hinge in bed earlier, but I sound a lot more academic with my previous statement, so I’ll leave it as is.
Dating is a whole hell of a lot like shopping.
Just think about it.
I either go all in and do a big haul or wait months until I’m in an uncomfortable position because nothing fits and everything I have has been exhausted beyond it’s limits (or chewed by my dog).
Let’s take a minute, what’s your personal shopping style? Do you just go out and see if something catches your eye? Are you willing to settle for any knit sweater, or willing to wait for that one you’ve always wanted? Even if it takes some more time, effort or money.
Even when you find that sweater you wanted, does it fit and compliment you the way you thought it would? But the thought of returning it, making the shipping label after all the effort you put into finding it seems like a bit of a hassle..
.. anything sounding familiar?
Let’s just think about dating with intention, or for the sake of the blog, ‘shopping with intention’. If you need a good quality pair of jeans, you’re not gonna go to Dick’s Sporting Goods (unbeknownst to be they may actually sell jeans, if I’m wrong let’s pretend I’m not).
If you’re looking for someone who’s motivated and at a good place in their life, are those the places you find yourself looking for a partner. Are you putting yourself in the position to meet someone of the caliber you desire?
Let’s say it’s really important for you to have a partner that’s of the same faith as you, well, then you probably shouldn’t be looking for them in the club.
When we shop in the clearance section we can’t expect to find something of great quality, that’s not to say it’s not there. But we can’t be expecting it. Even if we do find a brand new pair of Levi’s on clearance for $15, they might not be your size.
So that cute investment broker you met at the pool table of the dive bar last night? He could be emotionally unavailable.. Or live in Ireland.
And yes, both have happened to me.
I’m gonna get real and potentially a little triggering for people so either buckle or make your way towards your nearest exit sign.
When I was younger I had an eating disorder. No feeling bad for me, I have worked past it and honestly the experience has made me stronger and allowed me to develop a whole new way to value ALL of myself as a human. But here’s what I say about this. One thing I noticed as a catalyst of my ED was constantly wanting to achieve a certain image. Whether it was a smaller number on the size tag of my jeans or a certain style that was flattering to bodies different than mine. I remember squeezing into size 2 jeans for the majority of my eighth grade year. I would wear oversized sweaters so you couldn’t tell they couldn’t fit, but it was okay because they were Size 2 and zipped up all the way. I remember the red marks and indents that littered my waist and surrounding area as I would consciously hide them in the locker room when changing for basketball practice.
I was chasing an image. How I wanted people to view me. This can translate to romantic relationships, what is going to be the quality/characteristic/personality of a person that will ultimately make you happy and complete what it is you’re looking for in a partner?
Do you want the person with 'that' job because you feel like that's the support you need in life, or because society tells you that? Maybe it's not society, maybe it's your mom (sorry mom).
I frequent a lot of pool tables at a dirty little local dive bar that I hold very near and dear to my heart. I'd the average age of people at that table on a given week night (when i'm most apt to go) is 42, and that's with my age included in the calculation. So that being said not exactly the most promising place for romantic prospects, unless of course I decide I want a sugar daddy.
... and after my bank account after paying last month's rent I think I'm pretty close.
But I'm not expecting to find the future father of my children to be stuck to the grimy floor of Pattie's 1st Ave. It's like when we go to the flea market, you never quite know what you're going to find.
Just be open to the experience, go in with no expectations and enjoy the ride.
Xoxo Mild Girl
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