I don’t think men realize how often women don’t finish during sex.
It’s around half if you’re wondering, whereas in my own experience men finish 95% of the time (and that 5% is allotted for those who give up do to whiskey dick).
Something I’ve realized as I get older is that sex is quite literally geared towards men, even in movies. Sex is considered completed once the man finishes, and mainstream media loves to make it seem like women somehow magically reach climax at that exact moment. Can you imagine if sex wasn’t finished until a woman came? Half ya’ll would still be looking for the clit right now.
I personally am not someone who gets off from penetration (along with 90% of the female population), so when you’re jack hammering away or thrusting your partner up and down like a bike pump desperate for air, just know most of us are quite literally along for the ride.
That’s not to say I don’t get any enjoyment from a man inside me, just last night I had the absolute pleasure.
(What can I say, kicking a grown man's ass in pool on a Sunday night gets me going)
But when I’m on my back and the words, “you feel so good” come out of my mouth it’s purely for your sake. That is of course unless you are also rubbing the clit or maybe a little thumb in the bum action going on, then I might genuinely mean it. Emphasis on the might.
The last couple guys I slept with we fucked like 3-5 times from when we entered the bedroom to the aftermath when I put on yesterday’s clothes with my panties crumpled up in my pocket and straightened out my wig. That being said I would consider myself a decently sexual person and know how to communicate what I want from a man. So the point I’m trying to make here is I am not some shy, timid gal that is scared to tell their partner I want them to pretend I’m a tootsie pop and see how many looks it takes to find the center.
Still conducting research on this, so feel free to inquire if you’d like to be a part of the study.
NOTE: Background checks required as well as a valid driver's license.
So I’m here to give you some helpful tricks for your below average tips
***See what I did there ;)
To me one of the most important things a partner can do prior to any form of penetration is making sure the other party is turned on. Which, common to popular belief, is a lot more than them saying ‘wow I’m so turned on’. Yes there are obviously ways to verbally indicate, but looking at this from a logistical point of view there are physical factors that will communicate to you how your partner's body is reacting.
From the easiest sign in the book (how wet they are) to a more observant characteristic of eye dilation and heart rate. Now I’m not saying you necessarily need to be playing inspector gadget on a woman’s body, personally I think it’s a whole hell of a lot easier to just communicate to your partner what you like. I also think if you’re in a relationship it does give a couple an opportunity to have a more open and honest conversation, maybe even try something new in a safe space to see if you like it. But healthy communication doesn’t need to be exclusively for those in relationships. If I’m going out of my way to sleep with someone that I might not sleep with again, you don’t have a lot of opportunity for improvement.
Ladies, I do think this is where it can be difficult for us. I myself would like to be considered as a pretty upfront person, but for years I would never tell partners what I wanted, I would just sit there and whatever happened happened.
Now I’m at a point in my life where I know what positions I like and what feels good to me, and also things I’m not comfortable with. For instance, I’m very upfront that I do not like to give head. I’ll do it if I’m feeling a little spicy, but I’ve never looked at a cock and thought to myself, “Man i would love for that to uppercut my uvula and make me gag”. I think there’s this misconception also that women love big dicks, I (speaking for myself) prefer a slightly below average shaft. Honestly the smaller your dick is, the higher the likelihood I’ll put it in my mouth, but I also have a gag reflex like a motherfucker.
I’ve had varying reactions from men when I tell them that and I’m very honest. From a guy trying to push my head down to “are you comfortable with me giving you head?”. Now while the former is so much more common than I would like to admit, the later is probably about the sexiest response a man could ever give me.
We love givers.
While it can be hard to communicate your needs their are ways to insinuate if you feel uncomfortable being as blunt as, “I want to eat me out”.
Here’s some of my personal favorites:
“I’m so wet for you, do you want to taste it?”
“I want you to lick it”
Okay, maybe these are pretty straight forward but I can say from personal experience never have I ever had a man who didn’t love hearing those words come out of my mouth.
For you fuckers that are trying to have sex with someone who has a clit (man or woman, I don’t discriminate), if you don’t know where it is… well, you should probably figure it out. Maybe you don’t want to come across as inexperienced, there are ways to get around this.
“Show me where you want me to touch you”
Genius right? It’s like when you’re starting a new job and you don’t want to fill out a report so you ask your coworker to show you how it’s done. I personally would do this to the teacher in any math class I had. Which is probably why I couldn’t tell you what the quadratic equation is if my life depended on it.
***apparently GIF knows it though, so that made me feel really good about myself
In a partnership I don’t think either person should compromise on things that make them uncomfortable, but I will say I think it is very bonding to put your trust in someone that you care about if it’s something that is important to them. Now I hope to god you’re not reading that as, “if your boyfriend really really wants you to suck his dick but you hate it, you should do it anyway!”. Absolutely not. This is not something that is black and white, to me it’s 50 Shades of Grey.
Side note: Watching that movie together may be a great opportunity to organically bring up any sexual topics that may be on your mind.
I think what it boils down to is why a person may be apprehensive towards something. Maybe they had a bad experience in the past and it’s triggering or maybe they are just scared. So assurance coming from a place of love, respect and absolutely no judgment is key.
I am a firm believer that there are a lot of women out there who deserve an Oscar for the acting performances they have put on (for reference the cinematic category would be short film). So you can’t always rely solely on that. Even something as intricate as a back arch may not be caused by the euphoria you think they’re feeling in that given moment.
I recently slept with this guy who after a couple rounds made the statement: “I just can’t cum with a condom on, it’s okay though”.
My mental reaction: ‘IT’S OKAY THOUGH’ - fucker you better goddamn well know it’s okay.
You best bet I made it very clear that I was in no way empathetic that this ‘poor man’ felt he couldn’t go to completion due to the thin barrier of rubber on his dick. Welcome to most women’s average sexual experience buddy! You got to see me naked, that in itself is a gift enough.
Now I think it’s important to say that I personally think if both parties want to have sex without protection that is their right to make that decision, I’ve done it before in college. But I’ve also dated someone for almost a year and we never once had sex without protection because that’s what we felt was best for us. I just know too many people that do it solely because that’s what their partner wants and don’t communicate their own apprehension.
But while I say I truly think there is this huge misconception on how we view sex and the weight we allow it to hold on us, there is a level of responsibility that comes with it when pregnancy is a potential outcome. This by no means is a political platform, but I would especially be aware for any woman who may not want a child at this point in their life with all that is going on right now and how certain things are not accessible in healthcare.
I know there’s this narrative out there that sex is this intimate thing and the most bonding thing humans can do to become one. Now I’m not saying sex can’t be beautiful and that there haven’t been times where it has made me closer to my partner. But there have also been plenty of times where that was not the case. Specifically the time in college comes to mind when I hooked up with a viking of a man and he began to weep into my bare breasts (heard you moved to Chiacago with your new girlfriend, wish you the best and hope you no longer cry during sex!). I want to be clear these tears were fully unprompted and the condom was in fact still on. What did I do? I just stared into the Green Day poster on his wall as I consoled him, wishing I had just opted to stay home with my vibrator.
We are human and sex is a way to yes, express emotion, but also desire. Not all sexual encounters are like the tendril, pony tail scene is Avatar (the one with the blue people, not air bender) where the two become one and bond for life.
If that were the case I’d be tethered to a man in Kappa Alpha that I’m pretty sure still resides somewhere in the corner of the frat basement.
(Yes, obviously my standards over the years have come and gone like the tides of change)
The point I’m trying to make is sex does not need to be this big deal. It absolutely can if that’s something you personally view as intimate, speaking for myself: I do not. Which wasn’t always my mindset. When I first began to explore my sexuality I thought if I had intercourse with someone it meant they wanted to date me.
Man did I learn that was was not the case quick.
Now I base a person's feelings for me on the way they treat me when an orgasm isn’t the incentive. Yes I know, moving up in the world.
Honestly there are probably people who will read this and judge me or think I am some variation of a modern day harlot (which to me sounds a lot classier than skank, slut or whore). To those people I say this, “Thanks for reading my blog! Hope your sex life isn’t boring and you read this far for a reason”
If you’re going to judge me or anyone on something like that I think that says a lot more about you than it does me. I am a woman very comfortable in my sexuality, and while a healthy, monogamous relationship filled with love and respect is my personal goal, that doesn’t mean I need to remain abstinent til some white knight comes with his sword in hand and the coveted key to my chastity belt.
At the end of day we are all sexual beings in some way shape or form, I say you should enjoy it when it comes your way, whatever that looks like for you. Unless feet are involved, then yes I do slightly judge you, but you do you.
I think this is the perfect instance where the saying ‘it takes two to tango’ comes into play. Any person can have sex with themself, but the actual act of sex is between two (or more if you’re spicy). The whole point of having sex with another person is that you both want to feel good and have a craving for human interaction and touch, otherwise I would be in a very committed relationship with my vibrator.
Well, a polyamorous one because there’s two I switch between. Let me know if you want the link.
While my toys have given me more orgasms than any human man, neither of them have ever kissed my forehead or made me breakfast the next morning. So alas I remain on the dating scene.
If you made it this far you either really enjoyed it or have been taking a really long shit, either way glad to be part of your journey. As for takeaways from this article, here’s some cliff notes:
-Sex is about two people
-Be safe
-Communicate what you like (or don’t)
-The clit is the answer to all your problems, if you don’t know where it is ask her.
To my mom that is probably reading this - I love you and appreciate your continued support - hope this made you laugh.
To the rest of you fuckers, thanks also I guess.
Xoxo (Slutty) Mild Girl
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